The Word.

I know that I've been neglecting this blog. It's not that I plan on writing in it infrequently. It's that I struggle, sometimes, to find time to get into the Word. When I'm not in the Word, I'm not reflecting on the Word, and I don't see God's hand upon my life as much as I otherwise would. And then I won't be writing about what I am learning about God or seeing God do or - basically - any of the things that I plan on writing about in here.

I think that reading God's Word is a lot like exercise. Some days, I really struggle to get myself to the gym. I can start the day with the best of intentions, and I can pack my gym bag and even set aside the time - and then, when it's actually time to do it, I come up with excuses - I'm too tired or sore or wrapped up in other things.

When I do get my butt there, though, I find that after a couple of minutes, I'm usually quite into it. Exercise makes me want to exercise more. I notice the effects of exercise - the feeling good, the euphoria - last quite some time after I've finished.

And that's what God's Word is like for me. If I'm in it, I want to spend more time reading it, and the more time I spend, the more hungry and thirsty and excited that I feel. But some days, for stupid reasons, it's hard for me to get myself to the point where I've opened it. And then those days accumulate - one right after another.

So. Yeah. I had a few days where I wasn't in it. I get so frustrated with myself when I do that. I don't feel guilty or feel a sense of obligation, like this is what I Should be doing. I get frustrated because I know how blessed I feel when I'm in the Word - I know how it shapes my life, actions, and thoughts in such an incredible, supernatural way, and yet I still struggle to bring myself to the point where I'm reading it.

When I'm in the Word, I typically read through an entire book of the Bible. Sometimes I'll read a Psalm or search out what it says about a certain topic, but I do try to regularly work through different books of the Bible; I think that's wise to prevent ourselves from taking verses out of context.

Anyway, over Easter, I started reading Matthew, and I felt sure that I should read through all of the Gospels so, as I read each one, they'd be fresh in my mind, and I'd be able to make connections among them.

When I finished Matthew, though, I was certain that I needed to get into the Old Testament, particularly to read a book that I hadn't really read before. I thought it was going to be Isaiah, but as I prayed about it that day, I really felt drawn to Jeremiah.

It's been incredible. I'll confess that I usually read the Old Testament with trepidation, thinking that it's not relevant or that I won't be able to understand it.

Jeremiah's been anything but that for me. I feel like it's been giving me such insight into Who God is, Who He's been through the ages. It's really been a rich experience.

As I write about my reflections on this, remember that I'm far from being a Biblical scholar. I only know what *I've* been thinking as I read these passages; I know what I think God's been saying to me.

The first thing to really strike me was 6:10: "To whom shall I speak and give warning, that they may hear? Indeed their ear is uncircumcised, And they cannot give heed. Behold, the word ofthe Lord is a reproach to them; They have no delight in it."

I feel like I hear this from people all of the time, and I especially think it relates to how many people view Hector and my choice to remain chaste with each other. For ages - centuries - people have viewed the Word of God as a limiting rule book, full of restrictions for a person's life. Hector told me that, as a kid, he remembered grumbling internally that we Christians weren't supposed to do any of the fun stuff.

I know that I definitely bought into that line of thinking as I strayed from God. "Look at what I've been missing out on! Wow! This is a whole new world."

I definitely thought that about sex. I was 22 when I "lost" my virginity (I *hate* that terminology. I didn't lose it. I know exactly where it went and to whom it was given.). I think Jeremiah even touched upon this in 2:33 - "Why do you beautify your way to seek love? Therefore you have also taught The wicked women your ways." Our society has definitely beautified sex as a way to seek love. I'm not saying that sex isn't a part of love, because it is, of course. But it's not the be-all and end-all of love, or the demonstration of love, you know? Lately, I've really been learning that true love is about selflessness and willing sacrifice, having a nature that is giving. Sex is only a part of that love - it is not the representation of that love, if that makes any kind of sense.

But, like I was writing, 6:10 spoke to me because I don't think that anyone who isn't regularly reading the Word can really understand how it is freeing and life-giving, rather than a drain on good times. I daresay that this is true for many people who attend church regularly but don't spend private time reading the Bible; I think that they attend church seeking God's rewards and renewal without wanting to really make moral changes in their lives because they don't recognize the deep blessing that sacrifice can have in their life. Ah, there's that bit about "true love" again.

Jeremiah also talks about the consequences of knowing God and then separating ourselves from Him - backsliding, as it's called. Just like *I* did. Maybe that's why Jeremiah is speaking to me to such a degree: I knew God, and then I sought life without God. And Jeremiah even talks about how it's hard to return; it's hard to reestablish that relationship - even more difficult than it was to begin walking with God.

I have more to write about; I'm not even up to what I read today, but I need to make copies and grab some lunch, so I'll try to come back to this this evening.