A prayer not answered.

Last night, I was upset.

You know this, if you read the other blog.

So I wrote about it. That seemed to just make me more upset. Writing is how I work through my thoughts, so writing just made me dwell on how upsetting the situation was.

I wasn't sure what to do next, so I called Hector. He was hanging out with his friends, and normally I wouldn't want to interrupt that, but I figured this was an exceptional situation, and really, I just wanted to leave a message so he could call me later, after he'd left.

No answer. Left a message. And felt rather unsure what to do next.

So I read the Word. I'd already read through the chapter or two of Jeremiah that I'd planned on reading, but instead, I got back in.

And read this:

"'Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord.'" (Jeremiah 17:5)

Man. How *often* I do that. How little I have faith in God's help and provision. As soon as I opened Outlook last night and saw that there was a message from D, my heart began pounding audibly. So, before opening the message, I prayed - for strength to just get through reading that message. I prayed for a few minutes, actually, trying to calm down and remember that God is in control, before I read.

After opening it, though, I was so overwhelmed with disappointment that I just kind of forgot about God. It was just Him and me in that room, and I felt alone, without seeking Him. I reverted to what I've trained myself to do - looking for other people. I checked to see if anyone was online, thought about who I might call.

It was good to get back into the Word last night. I read some of Hebrews, too. I'm not really sure why, but I felt drawn to it, so there I went.

I don't know that I feel that God showed me any miraculous ways to solve the situation with D, but I was certainly humbled to be reminded how basic my faith is sometimes. "For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe." (Hebrews 5:12-13)

And you know, if I'm going to be totally honest, I was disappointed with God in this one, too, because I was praying so heavily for resolution and peace in this situation, and I didn't get it. D is no more willing to compromise than he was before, but he was accusatory to me in his email because *I* haven't been willing to budge.

But I know that God is bigger than this situation. Hebrews 4:16 reminded me: "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." I thought that the lesson for me, here, was to pray with faith that God could change this situation. Maybe the lesson, instead, is to persist in prayer, instead of expecting an immediate answer and then giving up.