A day's prayer.

"Thus speaks the Lord God of Israel, saying, 'Write in a book for yourself all the words that I have spoken to you.'" (Jeremiah 30:2)

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"Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.

My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.

But I, like a deaf man, do not hear;
And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth.
Thus I am like a man who does not hear,
And in whose mouth is no response.

For in You, O Lord, I hope;
You will hear, O Lord my God.
For I said, "Hear me, lest they rejoice over me,
Lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me."

For I am ready to fall,
And my sorrow is continuously before me.
For I will declare my iniquity;
I will be in anguish over my sin.
But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;
And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied.
Those also who render evil for good,
They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.

Do not forsake me, O Lord;
O my God, be not far from me!
Make haste to help me,
O Lord, my salvation!"
(Psalm 38:9-22)

Last night, I was moaning to Hector about the exhaustion I feel in my soul over this divorce, over the fear that I blogged about yesterday. He reminded me to "cast my cares upon the Lord" and rejoice because "My yoke is easy; My burden is light." He read to me from Proverbs: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him..." and from Matthew, about how God has considered the needs of the sparrow, and how much more will He consider our needs.

In other words, trust God, and don't worry.

It didn't seem enough to have those reminders last night, because I *have* been praying about this. I *have* been trying to trust in God, but I began to feel like I didn't quite know how to do that anymore. I even have prayed to God to show me how to trust Him.

Hector's suggestion was that when I sensed worry and fear creeping up on me, to counter it with Scripture, just like Jesus did when confronted by Satan.

Now, this I can do.

It makes me think of 1 John - "Perfect love casts out fear." That verse has been on my heart quite a bit in the past few months, particularly since Hector and I have been dating, because it's helped me trust him.

But today, it has a different meaning - a reminder of God's supreme love for me, and His ability to remove my fear.

I prepared myself this morning - after doing my daily "scheduled" reading in Jeremiah and Hebrews (which, by the way, was the chapter on faith today (11), and how Good and timely that was) - by seeking out Scriptures to pray today. Instead of allowing myself to travel down the Path of What If when the worry pops up, I'll immediately start praying through these verses, like the passage from Psalms that I started with.

How that passage spoke to my heart. Yesterday's blog really showed how I feel like "I am ready to fall," and how tired I've been of "follow[ing] what is good" when I feel like that enables D to have power over me. But I know, too, that he is one who "render[s] evil for good."

Today, I choose to rest assured in this: "Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!"

And I have faith, that mysterious belief in things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, that He will be faithful to answer, as He has been through the ages.