On how I'm getting through this.
I have to share what I read on Friday, after the "break-up talk" that gave me such hope and comfort. I've been *dying* to write about it - almost wrote about it before even explaining the break-up in the other blog.
What I have to add is that most of this - James and the Psalm - was my "regularly scheduled" reading for the day. I didn't seek it out for special guidance... I just read what I planned on reading, and it completely spoke to me. I'm also finishing up Jeremiah, and there wasn't anything in there that I felt spoke to this situation, but listen to this:
"You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." (James 5:8)
Yes. Patience. I feel that that is so important in this situation, and I sense Hector struggling with it even more than I am. Right now, I am so grateful to just have him in my life to any degree, because when he first said, "My parents don't want me dating you," I thought that that was it, and he was gone. *That* is what I think maybe I cannot bear. But as long as he is still active in my life - I can still call him when I need him, think of him whenever there is a little reminder without that being met with awful pain - yes, I can deal with this.
Because I *know* that this cannot be it. And I don't know how long it will be before we can be together again, but I know that day will come, God-willing sooner rather than later.
"Do not grumble against one another, brethren, lest you be condemned. Behold, the Judge is standing at the door!" (James 5:9)
I thought this was really important, because I believe God has worked in my heart to give me no anger towards his family. I do not think they are right, but I am not angry. This verse really reminded me *not* to give in to any temptation to bash them or to become angry. I think that maybe that's a part of patience.
"Indeed, we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord - that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful." (James 5:11)
Again, this just goes along with the patience bit, but it was a good reminder that God wants what is His best for me, and that that is what I'm waiting on.
"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms." (James 5:13)
I found myself repeating this verse yesterday in my mind - several times. Driving home from my family, after stopping for water ice, I put in a worship mix CD and turned it up, and Hector and I both completely lost ourselves in worship. That's never happened to us before, but it was so, so cool - it drew us so close together. And it was neat, too, because it was the second half of this verse. We'd had a great day together - so much fun - and we were cheerful, and there we were, praising God for that.
I am excited to see what God is going to do in our hearts through this. Don't get me wrong - this is not a situation that I would choose for myself, by any means. But since we are in it, I really trust that it will be used for good since we are trusting in God and His will.
"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16b)
I really trust in that.
Then I read Psalm 16 - over and over - praying through it, even -
"Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.
O my soul, you have said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord, my goodness is nothing apart from You. As for the saints who are on the earth, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.'
Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god;
Their drink offerings of blood I will not offer,
Nor take up their names on my lips.
O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.
I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me that path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
I also sought out 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, for a reminder of what love truly is. This verse struck me: "[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Yesterday morning, I really prayed about this. I think that's why I did so much cleaning - I had trouble getting myself to *stop* praying. But I came to some conclusions in this. I am going to trust and follow Hector's lead, for a few reasons. I don't know what this thing called Friendship with him looks like. I don't know what is permissible and what is not. I cannot ask him to disobey his parents and sever that relationship, particularly when I have parents who are uninvolved in my life and know how difficult that is. But I also know that we both feel that God has led us together for a purpose.
Not sure what else I wanted to say about this, and I sense that I'm about to begin repeating myself, so I'll stop now. Time to read for today and see what else there is to learn.
What I have to add is that most of this - James and the Psalm - was my "regularly scheduled" reading for the day. I didn't seek it out for special guidance... I just read what I planned on reading, and it completely spoke to me. I'm also finishing up Jeremiah, and there wasn't anything in there that I felt spoke to this situation, but listen to this:
"You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." (James 5:8)
Yes. Patience. I feel that that is so important in this situation, and I sense Hector struggling with it even more than I am. Right now, I am so grateful to just have him in my life to any degree, because when he first said, "My parents don't want me dating you," I thought that that was it, and he was gone. *That* is what I think maybe I cannot bear. But as long as he is still active in my life - I can still call him when I need him, think of him whenever there is a little reminder without that being met with awful pain - yes, I can deal with this.
Because I *know* that this cannot be it. And I don't know how long it will be before we can be together again, but I know that day will come, God-willing sooner rather than later.
"Do not grumble against one another, brethren, lest you be condemned. Behold, the Judge is standing at the door!" (James 5:9)
I thought this was really important, because I believe God has worked in my heart to give me no anger towards his family. I do not think they are right, but I am not angry. This verse really reminded me *not* to give in to any temptation to bash them or to become angry. I think that maybe that's a part of patience.
"Indeed, we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord - that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful." (James 5:11)
Again, this just goes along with the patience bit, but it was a good reminder that God wants what is His best for me, and that that is what I'm waiting on.
"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms." (James 5:13)
I found myself repeating this verse yesterday in my mind - several times. Driving home from my family, after stopping for water ice, I put in a worship mix CD and turned it up, and Hector and I both completely lost ourselves in worship. That's never happened to us before, but it was so, so cool - it drew us so close together. And it was neat, too, because it was the second half of this verse. We'd had a great day together - so much fun - and we were cheerful, and there we were, praising God for that.
I am excited to see what God is going to do in our hearts through this. Don't get me wrong - this is not a situation that I would choose for myself, by any means. But since we are in it, I really trust that it will be used for good since we are trusting in God and His will.
"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16b)
I really trust in that.
Then I read Psalm 16 - over and over - praying through it, even -
"Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.
O my soul, you have said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord, my goodness is nothing apart from You. As for the saints who are on the earth, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.'
Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god;
Their drink offerings of blood I will not offer,
Nor take up their names on my lips.
O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.
I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me that path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
I also sought out 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, for a reminder of what love truly is. This verse struck me: "[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Yesterday morning, I really prayed about this. I think that's why I did so much cleaning - I had trouble getting myself to *stop* praying. But I came to some conclusions in this. I am going to trust and follow Hector's lead, for a few reasons. I don't know what this thing called Friendship with him looks like. I don't know what is permissible and what is not. I cannot ask him to disobey his parents and sever that relationship, particularly when I have parents who are uninvolved in my life and know how difficult that is. But I also know that we both feel that God has led us together for a purpose.
Not sure what else I wanted to say about this, and I sense that I'm about to begin repeating myself, so I'll stop now. Time to read for today and see what else there is to learn.
posted by Heather at 7:15 AM
1 Comments:
I have so much respect for you.
The fact you are not angry at his family is truly amazing to me yet very respectable. I realize that in the perfect world children always listen and respect their parents, however though I am much like you and the relationship between my family is not the best at times.
My parents always felt as though I needed to obey their wishes, go to the schools they picked and pretty much follow the dreams that they wanted me to. That is what caused the falling out between myself and them. I just cannot alloy anyone, family or non-family to tell me how I am to live my life.
Religion is a major factor in many people's lives and I truly believe that is a good thing. When the situation between my and I really came to a head years ago I spoke with my uncle who is actually in the ministry and asked for his help and guidance. I did not want to go against my parents, yet I felt as though I am a grown person and I should be able to do as I please and follow my own heart.
He encouraged me to follow my heart, everyone does things in their past that they are not completely proud of and don't like to discuss, and I assume that is no different in anyones lives, including his parents. However in my own opinion and please don't be offended it seems as though his parents feel as though they need to "arrange" the person that Hector is meant to spend his life with.
As a grown man it is up to him to some how find a way to let his parents know that he does respect and cherish there thoughts and opinions and does seriously take what they say to heart, but also that he is a grown man and it is time for him to branch out on his own and if he slips up a few times God will be there to show him the way back. If he truly loves you then he should follow his heart. God brought you to together and if you both still feel a "connection " that is god keeping you together and it would truly be a shame to have his parents pull you apart.
Trust in God Heather, You are in my prayers while you go through this situation.
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